Bloody Spaniard.....Ba na le nyoko(they have gall)

In my young days, and dont read this to mean hore ke tsofetse, i did a lot of travelling. The one place i have avoided or rather have not been able to visit is Spain. It has not been by design, it is because everytime i planned my overseas trips, Spain never came to mind until after the planning session is over. Now i know why.....i can't stand stupid fools, twits..etc....if you read what follows hereunder you will understand:

"Spanish star wants vuvuzelas banned, Spanish fans want Africans banned
SOWETO. Just a day after Spanish football star Xabi Alonso called on
FIFA to ban vuvuzela horns, Spanish fans have called on the football
body to ban Africans. "They are just so black," said fan Enrique de
Torquemada. "And there are so many of them here in Africa. It is very
upsetting." Meanwhile South Africans have asked the Spanish to stop
lisping.

Alonso was widely quoted this week referring to vuvuzelas as an
"annoyance" that should be banned.
However, FIFA godfather Sepp Blatter has defended the horns.
"South African football is all about noise, excitement, shouting and
enjoyment," he said. "And sometimes goals. But mostly just noise."
Alonso's South African hosts say they are taking the star's complaints
seriously, despite "Xabi" meaning "doos" in the ancient San language.
"Obviously as a footballer Mr Alonso is a very unique person," said
Confederations Cup local organizer Sonnyboy Laduma. "I mean, it's not
everyone who has a Grade 9 education, is unemployable after 35, and who
spends hours every day training to kick an inflated sack in to a net,
who then tries to dictate the culture of another continent."
However, Laduma confirmed that Alonso was not alone in feeling that
Africa needed to change to suit Spanish tastes.
He said that thousands of Spanish supporters had signed a petition
asking FIFA to ban not only vuvuzelas but Africans as well.
"Apparently when they bought their airline tickets nobody told them that
Africa is full of Africans," explained Laduma.
According to fan Ignacio Tortilla, the Confederations Cup has been an
"ordeal".
"Wherever you look it's just Africans," he said. "Please don't get me
wrong, I'm not a racist, but do they really have to be so aggressive
with all the singing and smiling and hand-shaking?"
Florida de Porpoise, a retired Jew-bater from Barcelona, said he would
have no problem with Africans "if they only tried to be more European".
"We're not asking for a lot," said de Porpoise. "Just perhaps a little
hair relaxant, some cigarettes, and an overwhelming sense of the
futility of hope."

Meanwhile, a delegation of South Africans has asked visiting Spaniards
to stop lisping.
"For God's sake, English is our sixth language and we can still say
's'," said Jumpstart Moloi, who led the delegation to the Spanish
embassy this morning.
"It's not Nelthon Mandela, okay? It's Nelson. Nelssssson."
He also appealed to Spaniards to "think long and hard" before asking
locals for directions to Thanton Thquare and the thocker thtadium at
Thocker Thity.

"Spanish is just such a freaking ugly language," said Moloi. "It's all
just 'eth eth eth eth'. FIFA should do something.""

Having shared the above with you, i believe that you are of the same mind...."we must refuse to play Spain until XAVI die "DOOS"....LET ME REPHRASE THAT..."DIE NAAT DOOS" and his compatriots stand at "Thanton THquare" stark naked and apologise."

I now know why poor Samuel Eto is always in tears....these bloody Spaniards think that Africa is full of baboons, and that poor Eto is a different species "sa di baboon tseo"....

HO NKGA LEFOTHA,

Hela bana ba thari entsho (in the words of the famous Comedian...Blacks Only)your help is requested. Please read the attached and forward to all megwanti yako Pretoria that you know because we really do need to catch these spineless pigs. This is a sequel to my blog titled Rest in peace Baba Motha

Please help us to find the killers of my brother, pleads Kaizer Nyatsumba.

Forty-five years ago two sisters, Maria and Sophie Nkambule, gave birth to two boys, Kaizer Nyatsumba and Elphus Motha respectively, on the same day and a mere two to three hours apart. The sisters, daughters of Semia Shakoane and Miso Nkambule, were the wives of Silverton Nyatsumba and Johannes Motha respectively.

During our teenage years, I gave him the name Adonis, which he subsequently adopted and by which he was generally known. Adonis and I, the two sisters’ sons, were inseparable as we grew up in Mpumalanga, spending much of our childhood together, and remained close right through to our adulthood in Gauteng, always regarding ourselves as twins of a special kind. That ended most brutally on Wednesday, June 3, when my beloved brother “disappeared”, only to be found two days later dead, with multiple stab wounds throughout his body, and dumped near GaRankuwa.

It was at 7.45am on Thursday, June 4 that I first learned of his “disappearance”. I had started a new job three days earlier, which days were spent on an out-of-town orientation programme, and I was on my way to the office in Rosebank for the very first day, when I received a call from a friend in Nelspruit asking me if I had heard about Adonis’s “disappearance”.

To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. Never in our lives had Adonis and I ever done such a thing, hence I knew immediately that something had gone terribly wrong.

I was to learn later, from my sister-in-law Chunku Motha (nee Mashiane), that Adonis had arrived home at Chantelle, Pretoria around 7.30pm on Wednesday evening, and immediately announced that he was going to see his friend, Lucky Manzini, at the nearby township of Soshanguve. He knew Soshanguve very well, having spent 19 years working first as a teacher and later as a school principal there. I was told that he did not return home.

And yet, our well-known closeness notwithstanding, I was not called later that night when it became apparent that my brother was not returning home, nor was I – or any other member of the family – called the following morning. Instead, my sister-in-law sent three “Please Call Me” messages – the first one at 3.46:18, the next one at 3.46:28 and the last one at 3.46:40 – to Manzini, and then the last one just before 6am.

Manzini subsequently told me that it was when he called her number that he learned that Adonis had left home to see him (Manzini was not expecting Adonis that evening), and that he had not returned home. He called another mutual friend of theirs in Soshanguve to ask if he had seen Adonis, and that friend called another one in Nelspruit, who then alerted me immediately.

My wife left for Pretoria immediately, and together with Chunku and Manzini they searched for my brother at different hospitals and police stations. I joined them some four hours later, but on my way to Pretoria I decided to call Talk Radio 702’s Eye Witness News with a request that they broadcast the fact that Adonis had disappeared, and asking listeners who had seen either him or the car that he was driving on Wednesday evening to call me. When I informed her, as a courtesy, of my intention, my sister-in-law asked me not to do so, arguing that it was still early to panic. This was a good 16 hours after my brother had “disappeared”! After further consulting the extended family, all of whom agreed with me, I called the station with my request.

After a wild, two-day search, the police called us on Friday evening, saying that they had found a body in the GaRankuwa area. A younger brother and I travelled with them to the scene, and there, on a veld, we found Adonis: lifeless, with stab wounds throughout his body, with an attempt having been made to burn him (his clothes were half burnt).

Our maternal uncles and our sisters travelled to Pretoria the following day, and a request was presented to my sister-in-law: given the terrible and suspicious circumstances of my brother’s murder, coupled with the facts that there are many unanswered questions and that all but one of his children are in Mpumalanga, the family wanted Adonis buried at White River, where his parents, grand-parents and other relatives lie buried.

She rejected this request very firmly, saying that it was my brother’s wish to be buried in Pretoria. Some of my brother’s wishes, she added, were that he should be buried within three days of his death, that she can re-marry immediately after she has mourned his death for a maximum of two weeks, and that she had to go to his cemetery every Sunday to read his favourite Sunday newspapers to him. We found these so-called wishes most ridiculous. We argued that even if some of them were true, Adonis, who could hardly harm a fly, would certainly not have known that he would die such a terrible death, in very mysterious circumstances.

In the end, my sister-in-law went ahead with the funeral on Saturday, with not a single one of Adonis’s relatives present, giving my brother something that came close to a pauper’s burial, according to those who were present.

Adonis was the friendliest and most affable person that I have ever known, and he was blessed with a special talent to keep his emotions in check.

Nobody deserves the barbarity that was visited upon my brother, but least of all Adonis. He was the gentlest and most genial of souls. It is totally unforgivable, therefore, that he could die such a terrible, such a painful and such a cruel death, with stab wounds throughout all parts of his body, with unsuccessful attempts having been made to burn him. I hope that you, dear readers, will join my family and me in the hope that both those responsible for this vilest of deeds, and the brains behind it, will be found, arrested, successfully prosecuted and sent away for the rest of their lives. These savages deserve no less.

Should you have any information that can lead to these savages’ arrests, please call the investigating officer, Inspector De Jong, on 083-654-2800, or our private investigator, Marinus Venter, on 072-301-7219. Every piece of information is helpful.

Kaizer Nyatsumba is a senior business executive in Johannesburg.


Kea leboha.

MPIKAYISE

I live on a smallholding and being the BLACK DIAMOND that I am (I assume this is the politically correct terminology post yuppies and buppies), this necessitates employing HELP as there is no way that you find me frolicking with the shrubs, flowers and trees planted, and the occassional bullfrogs that you find walking around, in my garden. Yes, i did not make a mistake, walking around on four legs.

His name is Mpikayise Khuzwayo and as his name suggests, he is a native of Kwazulu – Natal. In particular, his roots are in Vryheid. So, as part of our weekly routine, he comes and tends in my garden on Fridays and Saturdays and every morning, on these days, as a function of our estate security rules, I pick him up from the main gate. The said estate rules provides that if he does not have an access card, he can’t walk anywhere in the estate…What a stupid rule..whoever thought of this preposterous rule must have been having an orgasm at the time…That on its own, is a story for another day.

Anyway, as always, I pick Mpikayise up from the gate and as we are about to drive off, the white burly security officer that is in charge of the ‘darkie broers” that always man the gate, flags me down…I stopped and lowered my passenger window and what follows is my conversation with him:


Piet: Mr Tsholanku, when are you getting your gardener’s access card

T; I spoke to the Estate Manager some time ago about it and he promised to call me as soon as it is ready.

Piet. Oh, and what is his name so that I can ask the Estate Manager about the access card?

T. His name is Mpikayise Khuzwayo

P. Hao! Mr Tsholanku, hoekom vloek jy vir my nou?

T:Nee ek het nie gevloek nie!.Jy het vir my die man se naam gevra en dit is sy naam.Mpikayise Khuzwayo.


He got a shock of his life, as he did not expect the retort. If he did not pee in his pants, it is only himself and his god that knows. He always swears in Afrikaans in my presence and I hardly ever say anything.

That he pissed in his pants is the least of my problems. What made me hot under the collar is the fact that he thought I was swearing at him. Mpikayise is a nice "Zulu Impi name" that loosely interpreted means ‘A father’s battle’. Haibo don’t ask as I am not going to venture a meaning for his surname.

This is a man who, as his name suggests, is expected to fight his father’s battles and all along whilst this saga was unfolding, the poor man was sitting idly next to me and minding his own business. At the end of this conversation, and on my way home, the poor man asked as to “what was that all about” No sooner I had explained to him as to what Piet thinks of his name, that it was a swear word, he was ready to kick the hell out of him. To say I restrained him is indeed an understatement.

“Iyeyisa le’ntlanga”(don’t worry about my Zulu spelling, at least I am trying) was his parting shot and we drove home.

It is amazing that at this day and age, 14 years after the first democratic elections taking pace in Mzantsi, a white man refuses to learn a single black language. Let alone that, he refuses to understand and know meanings of black people’s names – In Afrikaans, at least that which is spoken in Eldorado Park, Reiger Park,Cape Flats, Mitchells Plane and Springbok, they have a way of describing people like Piet. Hy is ‘n doos, ‘n naat doos they would say and I agree with them.

At the time of writing this piece, I had cooled down but I still believe Piet must emigrate as he does not belong in a new democracy. He encourages hate speech….you just have to go over this piece one more time…..FOKON HOND (I am told this means an ugly person)
.

Rest in Peace Baba Motha

I did not know much about him but the little that i saw, in the short space of time that he was allowed to work with us in the "legal and compliance and governance department", tells me that he should not have been allowed to meet his maker in the manner that he did...ag sies man.

How do you come to a conclusion that a decent fellow, as one of my colleagues described him on Facebook, should depart from this god forsakken world in the manner that he did? Stab him to death, Stone him and then attempt to cremate him? I believe you can only come to such warped conclusions if "YOUR MOTHER IS A MAN" and i want to believe this is true of Mr Adonis Motha'S MURDERERS.

To you child born of a "Mother who is a Man", do you realise what you have just done? Because you are a miserable twit, smelling of unwashed sheebeen whores i so much doubt that you realise the results of your actions. Well, let me educate you as i have just realized that you could not be sharing the same IQ numbers with Julius Malema...you are an I.D.I.O.T. You have robbed a family of its bread winner, robbed siblings of their brother and robbed the legal and compliance and governance department of a friend.

This is a man who would always come to work, softly greet everybody that he met in the passagee way enroute to his desk where he would quitely, through out the day, continue with his contribution towards making the ESKOM plan sustainable. Sustainable so that you and your friends whose noses look like the stiches on a scrotum could at least have electricity and this is how you thank him.

Hahahahahaha ngiyahleka because you think u-Mr Motha is going to hell....haikona mbulali ndini...BIG MISTAKE. I have it on good authority that he was also at a point in his life where he was preparing to accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour. Tuesday the 9th June 2009 would have been his first formal step in this direction as the plan was the he will accopany NM to her Tuesday drum beating Apostolic Faith praying sessions. And from what i know or rather from what i read kuNcwadi en'mlomo obomvu...Phillipians 1:19 - 21 the following is said:

" I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

Yes, you at least now have done one good thing about your misserable self, that is if you get to steal somebody's PC and read this little lament, and that is to realise that Mr Motha is now on the STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.

Baba Motha, ngiyaxolisa that you had to leave this part of the world in such great haste.Kodwa, i am happy knowing that today, you are sitting next to uBra Jesu and taking counsel from ubabu Nkulunkulu. Please pass my regards and ask them to help Fikile Mbalula's employees to find your murderers.We will also help via our prayers. Sharp Baba...ulalengoxolo.